It’s Not Hard to Move On

Just master these nine (not at all difficult) things and you'll be just fine :-)

If you want to lose weight, eat healthy and move your body. If you want to become more wealthy, spend less and make more money. If you want to get over your ex, stop thinking about them and move on with your life.

It’s really not more difficult than that, but of course, the natural question is how.

The ‘solution’ to any problem you think you’re facing is always simpler than the answer you’re actually looking for.

So let’s meet at a crossroads. You can either keep doing things the way you’ve been, hoping for a different outcome - I could call this insanity, but I don’t want to be rude - or you can try something else, perhaps the exact opposite of what you’ve been doing.

This is the exact framework I used to unf*ck my life years ago, after decades of sacrificing the most authentic parts of my story, so others would accept me; both romantically & platonically.

It’s also the framework for my digital course The Relationship Detox+.

Getting Over Your Ex Isn’t Hard When You Realize This One Thing

Your infatuation with your ex isn’t really about them. Your obsession with getting closure has turned into an addiction, and the solution is to turn the energy you’re giving them back onto yourself.

STEP ONE: THE STORY

The root of your rumination lives in your obsessive retelling of your love story. The problem is you are ignoring the full story; the good, the bad, and the truth. Right now, you’re an unreliable narrator, telling their audience (you) exactly what you think they want to hear, at the expense of your own sanity.

STEP TWO: THE BELIEFS

You won’t move on until you deal with those pesty voices in your head. The ones reminding you that you’re not good enough, definitely not lovable, and that you would be happy if you could just stop messing up every relationship you’re in. You are what you believe, and you’re better than what your thoughts are telling you.

STEP THREE: THE IDENTITY

If you don’t know yourself, you won’t trust yourself and if you don’t trust yourself you can’t love yourself. Your identity is being torn apart because you end up giving so much of yourself to everyone else, you’ve lost sight of how to give to you.

Learning To Forgive Yourself

You’ll never free yourself of the emotional weight you’re carrying if you don’t learn how to forgive yourself. Not for what you’ve done “wrong” but for what you didn’t know. You did the best you could with the information available to you at the time, but you have to let that go.

STEP FOUR: THE TRINTY

Stop settling for simply becoming aware of the challenges plaguing your life. Start being more curious about WHY you feel the way you do; deepening your relationship with SHAME, GUILT, and REGRET (i.e. The Trinity). This will show you how to actually heal, as opposed to whatever you’re doing right now.

STEP FIVE: THE ATTACHMENT

How much longer do we need to discuss your self-diagnosed attachment style? Instead, focus on how you learned to give and receive love. How were your needs met… or not? What patterns and behaviors did you learn from the people closest to you in childhood, and how is that impacting your relationships today?

STEP SIX: THE EMOTIONAL WOUNDS

At the end of the day, there’s a very specific reason why you feel stuck, and it haunts your subconscious like a beast. Surface level “healing” is a mask for the deeper shadow wounds you have, the abandonment, the neglect, betrayal (just to name a few). If you are trying your best to heal and nothing is working, this is where you need to focus your attention.

The Dos and Don’ts of Self-Love

You can treat yourself to nice things, and eat/pray/love till your heart is content ,but in many ways it’s all a distraction. I spent a long time exploring what true self-love is, and this is what I came up with.

STEP SEVEN: THE PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS

All humans share the same six core psychological needs (different from Maslow’s needs) and you’ll end up doing crazy things to get them met, either by yourself or through other people you form relationships with. If you find yourself falling for the same “toxic people” this is why.

STEP EIGHT: THE CORE VALUES

I’m not exaggerating when I say my life changed dramatically when I started to say “no” to anything that wasn’t aligned with my core values. And to clarify, these are TWO values that I align my life with at least once a year. Every decision I make, to this day, conforms to them. Simply put, if it’s not in alignment with my values, it’s not in my life.

STEP NINE: THE BOUNDARIES

A little bit of a hot take here, but I don’t think your boundaries should be based on your past triggers. Yes, they need to protect your psychological needs and emotional safety but at the same time, don’t let them create a wall around you. Instead, reaffirm your boundaries with the highest value version of yourself that you want to become.

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From where I’m standing, this is not that hard, and it’s actually fun. As cliched as it sounds, you have to enjoy the journey and be curious AF about yourself, and when you do, you’ll move on so fast from your ex you’ll be laughing at how ridiculous you feel right now.

3 Non-Heartbreak Things I’m Thinking About

1. Every year I get hit with seasonal depression pretty bad. I write it off as a temporary thing, which in some ways it is, but if it happens every year, is it still temporary? At least spring is almost here.

2. A friend asked me “Is Lady Gaga back?”. That’s a question for y’all…

3. I’m about to start the new season of The White Lotus. Coming in with high expectations, obviously.

& On a Personal Note

If you’re unsettled with where you’re at in life… just f*cking do it. Take risks. Fail fast. You get to start over as many times as you want.

I’m feeling both exhausted and exhilarated lately. I’m expanding my business in so many new directions, and growing it so quickly, it feels like I’ve covered 2 years of achievements and “firsts” in just the first 2 months of the year.

With Love,

-E-