Have You Heard About Survival Wounds?

The Sticky Residue of Your Last Relationship

If you’re still struggling with the emotional residue from your last relationship, this is going to resonate with you.

Because let’s be honest, your breakup was cliched.

The anger, the sadness, the rage & despair.

Most people act like a toddler during a breakup. I did, and I’m willing to bet you did too; Hating them, Blaming yourself, Missing them, Pleading with them, Breaking No Contact just to tell them how much they suck, Hoping They Come Back, or at least admit they were wrong.

I’m exhausted just writing this, while at the same time, I totally get it.

But there’s one big difference between you and a toddler. A toddler doesn’t have the mental facilities to self regulate their emotions. YOU DO. (Or at least you should.)

So let’s unpack what this is really about.

Photo by Chris Mac on Unsplash

The feeling of having your heart torn apart is rooted in something called a survival wound.

(Full disclosure, you can have multiple survival wounds, but for the sake of this exercise, just focus on identifying one.)

This survival wound is born from an emotion and is at the heart of everything you do. It is powerful, it is persistent, and it has the ability to impact not just your mental well-being, but your physical well-being too.

That’s because this wound sits at the core of who you really are. It shapes your identity, your likes and dislikes, and in terms of relationships, who you run from and who you run to.

This emotional reverberance is a memory of yourself, not your actual self and most definitely not your future self. If you hear me talking about healing the inner child, doing shadow work, or trying to “heal”, this is what I’m talking about.

You’re negotiating with a different version of you. A part of you that hasn’t fully “healed” past emotional triggers, but instead has learned to survive them. This version of you loves the drama, it needs the suffering, and it will keep you safe… but only safe in the past.

The thing is, you can’t really heal in the past, but your survival wound keeps you physically and mentally bound to it. If you’re experiencing the pain, suffering, discard and heartbreak, over and over again, every day, you’re living in your survival wound.

What ends up happening is you start living your life not only in survival mode, but in an emotional prision by your own design.

If what I’m saying resonates, then you know it’s not enough to just “move on” from your ex. You actually have to unmemorize the habitual response to the emotion tethered to your survival wound.

Not from a place of shame, guilt, or regret, but from the perspective of seeing and experiencing your daily life as it truly is. Begin a whole-life review. Audit everything.

Pick that ONE emotion.

Understand your wound.

What are the signs?

What is your physiological state?

What do you need to do to truly be WITH the emotion and not just brush it to the side?

As you pull these pieces together, you’ll create space to separate the present from the past.

3 Non-Heartbreak Things I’m Thinking About

1. Art is so subjective to interpretation, but the song Pale, Pale Moon from the SINNERS soundtrack is beyond powerful. I can’t stop. I won’t stop.

2. Years ago, my friend sent me this and it always makes me laugh. I’m a bit late, but better late than never, right?

3. I’m starting to get back into painting, so this is just a reminder to listen to your soul and do what makes you feel alive.

& On a Personal Note

A healing journey is not linear, and each one is different. I will say, that from my perspective, matters of the heart no longer rattle me. My relationships are built on love, not attachment and trust me, if I can get there, so can you.

What I AM working on right now is a deeper alignment. A resolution with MY ego & MY power to build and serve in a much more profound way.

I’ve had the privilege of working with a few 1:1 clients over the past several months on a deeper, soulful level and that both inspired and challenged me, enough so that I’ve relaunched my private mentorship program.

This is my baby right now, and I’m not even going to share the link to it, not yet. But if you think you’re ready to shake things up, rise up from the ashes of your past and reclaim your place in the world, the place you know you want to be, but you still lack the conviction to get there on your own, reply to this post. Tell me what’s going on? Ask me about Rise & Reclaim, and we can see if it’s a good fit.